The Trail of Tears

Lands are kind of a tricky proposition to be horrible. I mean, there are things like Tarnished Citadel that are bad but still fulfill a purpose. In fact, I was originally going to write today's article about the Citadel, but I couldn't bring myself to say it was horribad, because under the worst circumstances it's still a land that taps for a colorless mana. I had to come up with something worse. Fortunately, The Dark delivers yet again.

Imagine this: you're playing Magic. Not hard, right? Now imagine that you're playing with this card.

Now do this: imagine a scenario in which you'd rather have this than, oh, say any other land ever printed. I bet you the scenario you came up with is horribly contrived and wouldn't ever happen in any actual game of Magic you'd ever play. I bet you $20. No, $50. Pay up.

Here are the positives of playing this card:
-A "combat trick" to mess up your opponent's blockers (and only blockers).

And here are the negatives:
-A "combat trick" to mess up your opponent's blockers (and only blockers) that's played in advance, so there's no surprise factor.
-It doesn't tap for mana.
-This may or may not benefit you at all, since the blockers just swap places, potentially leaving you with zero net effect.
-IT FREAKING FALLOUTS YOU (AND ONLY YOU) WHEN YOU TAP IT. OR IF IT EVEN GETS TWIDDLED.

Let's see... marginal benefit for OHGODWHY drawbacks. Nice. At least Polar Kraken leaves you with a win condition (depending on how loosely we want to use that term).

This card will leave a trail of tears of sadness and tears made from the hands of rage behind all those that see it. The scattered remnants of cardstock will litter the ground, gluing themselves to the carpet with salty tears of utter sorrow at having seen this card in existence.

Let all know he who comes to The Dark will leave uncomfotable and questioning their grip on reality.

Amen.